Idiot Leaders and How To Get Revenge On Them
by yamiyugi23
Summary: The many ways to annoy those in power, and get away with it. Crack fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money or have any rights!**

**Alright! I know I've got enough fic's on the go, and a load I've yet to post, but I have meet the arch enemy of all writer's! Writer's Block! *pokes at writers block with a stick* Evil! With luck this fic will be so bad that it'll break this evil writers block!**

**Got these lists from Muggle Net's fun lists! So don't own these lists, just using them to destroy your friendly neighbourhood writer's block!**

**Thanks for beta'ing Draco!**

**11 come backs for when Voldermort says 'I'm going to kill you'**

**1. "What did I ever do to y..oh, never mind."**

"And I mean that's so not on, you know?"

Voldermort let out a groan as he looked around his throne room to see if any of his Death Eater's would help, but it looked like they were in shock still.

"And then Jimmy took it out and...hey, are you still listening?" Ginny Weasley asked as she paused in filing her nails to look at Voldermort.

"Yes I'm listening," Voldermort said with a sigh, he'd learnt his lesson the hard way with Lily Potter's famous temper when she had manage to hex his balls' off, "Carry on Miss. Weasley."

"Good, and I hope I get a nice cell, after all this is highly important information I'm giving you," Ginny said with a huff as she went back to filing her nails, "Anyway as I was saying, Jimmy took it out and..."

Voldermort let his mind wander while keeping an ear out for the female, what had gotten him into this state? Oh yes, now he remembered, let's just say it involved a pair of pink fluffy car dice, a set of muggle playing cards and a small bell.

"I should have never won the poker game," Voldermort muttered in parseltongue under his breath as he sent a glare at Ginny who didn't seem to notice.

"Then Thomas came along and decided to have a ride on it," Ginny's voice continued on and on, "Come to think about it you'd think this is one of those 'adult' stories, but it's not."

A sudden pop echoed throughout the meeting room to show a small House Elf with large blue eyes looking at Ginny.

"Yes?" Voldermort asked as he tried not to sound too excited at the thought of being able to escape, "What is it?"

The House Elf looked up slight, twisting it's ears in a nervous gesture, "I bring what young mistress wants."

Voldermort then watched as the nervous House Elf held up his hand to revile muggle bubblegum.

"Oh thank you, you're just a sweetie," Ginny coo'ed at the now blushing House Elf as she took the bubblegum, "You're a great help, I don't know what I'd do without you."

The blushing House Elf then disappeared with a small pop causing Voldermort to mutter something along the lines off, "Why can't I be a House Elf for at the moment, then I could get out of here."

A loud and sharp pop suddenly brought him out of his thoughts, turning around quickly to glare at whatever had made the sound, with the female Weasley's insane talk about gossip he had a large headache, only to find Ginny sitting on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck, she was leaning back slightly to give a small 'pull' at Voldermort's shoulders yet it was not that that surprised Voldermort.

It was the fact that somehow the girl had managed to become even more annoying just by chewing gum.

"Girl," Voldermort said slowly as he gripped his throne tightly, "If you do not get rid of that bubblegum...you'll regret it."

"No," Ginny said with a small huff as she began to chew, "It's not my fault that you're in a bad mood, you know sex would do you wonders."

"What!" Roared Voldermort causing the Death Eater's to shrink back in fear, "I'm going to kill you!"

"What did I ever do to y...oh, never mind," Ginny said quickly as she left the meeting room by portkey, she heard Voldermort let out an angry scream as she left. Ginny let a small smirk come to her face, mission accomplished, Voldermort and her dad wouldn't be playing poker any time soon, especially when it involved her as the prize.

Voldermort let out an angry scream as the Weasley Girl disappeared thanks to a hidden Portkey, "How dare she! She'll be the one I kill first."

"Errr...My Lord?" a new Death Eater asked, taking no notice of the other Death Eater's who was trying to pull him back into line, "I thought that position on your list was for Harry Potter."

The next thing the new Death Eater new was that he was now a pile of ash with two eyes.

**2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!"**

"Oh, ha ha, you got me! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!"

"I am not joking!" Roared Voldermort, "I will kill you!"

"Yeah and I love you too," Dudley Dursley said as he rolled his eyes, "Now for a hidden camera show don't you think that this set up might be a bit too much? I mean on the show's that I watched-"

Hearing enough Voldermort shot a random spell at Dudley, anything to get the boy to shut up, only to find that the spell had hit the boy's giant body and bounced off of it like a large beach ball, returning his own spell.

"Now you're taking your role to far, the jig's up," Dudley said as he looked around the steps that lead up to Voldermort's throne, "I want my prize, I want to know where the cameras are hidden, I want mum and dad, I want food!"

Voldermort and his Death Eater's flinched as the boy's lists of demands was repeated over and over again, each time his yelling grew louder.

Finally Severus had enough and stepped forward, offering Dudley a glass vile filled with purple liquid.

"Blackcurrant," cried Dudley as he suddenly stopped screaming, "Give!"

Severus watched with a smirk as the greedy boy quickly drank the whole vile.

"That wasn't blackcurrant," Dudley complained as he harshly placed the glass vile back in Severus' still open hand, "I want another one!"

"What the hell," Ranbastain swore as he looked at the elephant like child, "He just drank an entire vile of Dreamless sleep in one go, yet he's still up! It was brewed by Severus as well!"

Mutters echoed throughout the meeting chambers, Voldermort in too much of a shock to stop them.

"Here," Severus said as he handed Dudley another Dreamless sleep potion, "I believe that Blackcurrant juice must of gone off, try this one."

Being the idiot he is Dudley took the potion from Severus without second thought and drank it in one full movement. A few seconds later a dull thud was heard.

"I've decided," Voldermort said rarely as he looked at Dudley's sleeping body, "I won't kill this boy, no matter how annoying he is."

"My Lord?" Bellatrix asked, "If I may ask, why not? Killing a member of Potter's family would be just a strong and worthy thing for you to do."

Voldermort let his lips turn into a glare at the sleeping boy, "I'll send him to Potter; the brat should wear Potter down enough so I'll have an easy go of it for the final battle."

**3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do? I'm ready for you now!" *Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger***

Voldermort let out a pleased hum as he walked around a stone still Collin Creevy.

"Tell me boy where Potter is and I won't kill you," Voldermort said darkly as he used the shadows to their full advantage.

"Why would I tell you where he is," Colin cried out in defence of his hero, "Harry's doing what he needs to do and I'm playing my part so shut up."

"But where's the fun in that?" Voldermort asked as he came towards Colin, "I think I'll crucio you, then I'll turn you inside out followed up by a cutting hex then another round of crucio, then and only then will I say the spell which mean's your death. Then I'll send you to Potter by owl post, bit by bit, body piece by body piece. Think Potter would like it at breakfast time?"

"Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do? I'm ready for you now!" Colin cried out as he pointed a finger at Voldermort, "Let me get ready and we'll fight to the end!"

Shocked Voldermort and his Death Eater's watched as Colin started to stretch which was soon followed by Colin placing himself in multiple positions that needed a lot of strength and flexibly.

"What is he doing?" Voldermort asked, a vein appearing on his bold forehead, "Why can't he just die?"

"Sir," Lucius said slowly as he looked at Colin who was beckoning Voldermort with one finger, "I believe that the position's he is using is from a muggle movie called 'Matrix'."

"And how do YOU of all people know about MUGGLE movies!" Voldermort yelled.

A few seconds later another pile of ash with two eyes meet the first one on the floor.

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy.**

**4. "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?"**

"How did she get back in?" Voldermort demanded as he sat on his throne, Ginny Weasley sat once again on his lap with her nail file while chewing bubble gum.

"We don't know my Lord," Wormtail stuttered as his eyes darted to the two piles of ash with moving eyes, "She just...appeared...out of nowhere."

"And what about the guards?" Voldermort said darkly causing Wormtail to squeak like the rat he was, "Weren't YOU on guard duty when she 'appeared'?"

"Well my Lord," Wormtail stuttered as he slowly backed away, "I think that's she's punishing you for going back on your word-ack!"

Voldermort blew the tip of his wand and looked at the pile of rat like ash with two nervous eyes, "Now then, I'm going to kill you, no one tells me who I can and cannot play poker with!"

Ginny blew another bubble from her bubble gum, "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?"

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy, and Peter Pettigrew.**

**5. "Why do you have to be so mean?" *produce fake tears and throw a tantrum***

"And then in the cartoon they broke into song!" a hyper Bellatrix as she hugged her stuff toy butterfly, "There were pretty colours too!"

Voldermort let out a groan, "What the hell has happened to Bellatrix?"

"It seems that Potter and his friends got their hands on her," Severus said as he came forward with a deep bow.

Voldermort's respect for the golden trio was raised a few pegs, "And just how did they manage to turn Bellatrix into THIS."

Voldermort pointed to Bellatrix who was having a one way conversation with her stuff toy butterfly.

"By tying her down and making her watch Waltz Disney movies for a month," Severus said with a quick sneer at Bellatrix.

"That is evil," Voldermort said with a shudder, "Then to get Bellatrix out of her misery there is only one option."

"My Lord?" Severus asked, a feeling of dread building up on him.

Voldermort pulled out his wand, "I'm going to kill her."

"NO!" Bellatrix cried out with wide eyes that began to fill up with fake tears, "Why do you have to be so mean?"

Voldermort let out a groan as Bellatrix then proceed to carry out a full blown temper tantrum and cry fake tears.

"Do you want me to do it for you my Lord?" Severus asked as he shot a silencing spell at Bellatrix who was screaming and waving her stuff toy butterfly everywhere.

"Together," Voldermort said simply, "She's caused us enough problems I think it's only fair."

"Very well my Lord," Severus said with another one of his low bows.

A few minutes later a pile of ash with two wide eyes and a stuff toy butterfly joined the other three pile's of ash with eyes.

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, and Peter Pettigrew.**

**6. "Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!" *take off running***

"I will kill you!" Voldermort roared at Fred and George Weasley.

"Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!" The Weasley Twin's cried out together before running off at top speed.

"What happened this time?" Crabbe Sr. Asked with a sigh.

"The Weasley twins' thought it would be funny to dress the Dark Lord up as a pile of paperwork, so when anyone walked passed our Lord while sleeping on his throne they'd just see a pile of paper work," answered Goygle Sr. With a sigh.

"I think that our Lord looked great," Judson said before suddenly realizing his mistake, "Oh Merlin's balls."

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, and Peter Pettigrew.**

**7. *cackle with laughter* "You sound like a girl ! Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!"**

"How dare you mock me," Voldermort hissed out as he glared at the muggle phone one of his Death Eater's had brought him, "I will kill you."

A sudden bought of laughter came down the phone, "You sound like a girl!"

Voldermort tightened his grip on his throne as he heard the male on the other end call out to someone, "Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!"

"Whose idea was it to give our Lord a muggle mobile phone?" Nott Sr. Asked with a sigh.

Travers raised his hand proudly, "It was my idea, this way our Lord can threaten muggle's without leaving the mansion."

"Looks like we'll need a special corner," Nott Sr. said with a sigh, "If this habit of the Lord's continues."

"What habit?" Travers' asked, not noticing the spell coming towards him.

"You're about to find out," Crabbe Sr. Said as they watched Travers turn into a pile of ash with eyes.

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, Travers and Peter Pettigrew.**

**8. "My dear snake-man, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" *put on record and sing along* 'Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!'**

"Oh my, oh my," Healer Smith said as he looked at the results of the diagnosis, "Your stress levels seem to be down slightly, but I don't think that your followers are enjoying your new way of relieving your stress."

Voldermort looked over to where the Healer was pointing; they had created a special corner where they would place the pile of ash with eyes that was a person. At the moment it held the six Death Eater's. A newbie Death Eater that Voldermort had not even known the name of, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, Travers and Peter Pettigrew.

"It's how I run things around here," Voldermort said with a glare he did so hate these monthly check ups with Healer Smith, "And if you're not careful you'll be joining them."

"My dear snake-man, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" Healer Smith cried out happily as he waved his wand causing a record player to appear, suddenly a song began to play and Healer Smith began to sing along, "Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!"

"You were warned," Voldermort said with a suffering sigh as he once again waved his wand and Healer Smith joined the corner of 'pile of ash with eyes'.

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, Healer Smith, Travers and Peter Pettigrew.**

**9. "Are you a joke? **_**Clearly**_** you're a joke!"**

"Are you a joke? _Clearly_ you're a joke!" Lavender Brown said as she continued to flutter her eyes at Voldermort, "I mean for you to win me in a game of poker, what an idiot you are!"

Voldermort felt like nodding his head in agreement, why did he keep playing poker, when it got him into these types of situations?

"I'm going to kill you," Voldermort said again only to be shot down by Lavender again.

"Stop joking around," Lavender said with a roll of her eyes, "I mean your soooo weak!"

"Seems that our Lord's got better at controlling his anger," Nott Sr. Said as he watched the girl talk about how weak Voldermort was, "I pity the idiot who get's in his way when he finally looses it."

"Why can't he just kill the girl?" Severus asked, having just walked into the throne room.

"Seems that this morning 'someone' placed a disabling spell on his wand making any spells meant to hurt or kill someone not work," Nott Sr. Said with a smirk, he was enjoying this.

"That's good, seems someone's realized that our corner is getting full," Severus said as he pointed to where piles of ash with eyes was.

"Your joking!" came the voice of Lavender Brown, her voice sounding like a screeching harpy.

"I wonder if it's possible," Severus wondered as he looked at Brown going at his Lord.

"What you thinking Snape," Crabbe Sr. Asked with narrow eyes.

Severus turned to the waiting Death Eaters and with a serious face said, "Has our Lord found someone he wants' to kill more than Potter?"

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, Healer Smith, Travers and Peter Pettigrew.**

**10. "I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's...and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose."**

A loud roar came from the throne room causing all of the Death Eater's to flinch.

"Who's the idiot who got kidnapped by Potter and his friends and forced to watch Disney movies?" Avery asked with a sigh.

"Nothing of the sort," Regulus said with a shake of his head, "Blame Healer Smith's replacement, Healer Jones, the idiots trying to get our Lord too...Well listen for yourself."

Regulus stood aside to allow Avery to look into the Throne room. Avery walked forward and looked through the crack in the door only to burst out laughing.

"I will kill you," Voldermort hissed out as he was dressed in a pink bunny outfit.

"I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's...and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose," Healer Jones said as if he was talking to a toddler, he then finished up with a tap to Voldermort's nose.

It wasn't too long before Healer Jones met the man he was meant to replace.

**Death Eater's turned into pile of ash with eyes: A no name new Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy Bellatrix Lestrang, Judson, Healer Smith, Travers, Healer Jones and Peter Pettigrew.**

**11. "Oh yeah, and you've told Harry that how many times now? I'm soooooo scared!"**

"Come back here!" Voldermort yelled as he chased a sugar hyper Neville Longbottom around his throne room, "I'm going to kill you!"

Everyone watched on in shock as Neville turned around and blew a raspberry at the Dark Lord before saying, "Oh yeah, and you've told Harry that how many times now? I'm soooooo scared!"

Voldermort fell to his knees as Neville continued on his sugar high.

"His wrong," Voldermort said with fire in his eyes, "I will defeat Potter!"

"Hey Voldie, I'm here to save you from Neville," Harry said as he walked into the throne room, "Where is he?"

Voldermort, to happy to care that Harry had somehow just walked into his throne room, pointed to Neville, "Get that damn demon out of here and never give him any sugar!"

"Alright alright," Harry said as he rolled his eyes as he grabbed Neville and dragged him to the door, "Oh and Voldie?"

Voldermort looked up to where Harry was holding onto a hyperly bouncing Neville, "What Potter?"

"Prophecy fulfilled," Harry said as he waved his wand at Voldermort.

"Oh pooie," Was all that Voldermort managed to get out before he joined the others in the corner of 'pile of ash with eyes'.

**The End!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money or have any rights!**

**Alright! I know I've got enough fic's on the go, and a load I've yet to post, but I have meet the arch enemy of all writer's! Writer's Block! *pokes at writers block with a stick* Evil! With luck this fic will be so bad that it'll break this evil writers block!**

**Got these lists from Muggle Net's fun lists! So don't own these lists, just using them to destroy your friendly neighbourhood writer's block!**

**Thanks to Draco for beta'ing.**

**10 Ways to Aggravate Albus Dumbledore**

**1. Run, panting into his office and say, "Professor, Professor! Voldemort has invaded Hogwarts!" Then lead him all around the school for the rest of the day and night, muttering, "I thought I saw him in this corridor."**

"Professor, Professor! Voldermort has invaded Hogwarts!" Harry cried out as he ran up the stairs to Headmaster Dumbledore's office.

"How, when and where?" Headmaster Dumbledore asked as he looked at the boy in front of him.

Harry had grown a lot in the time he had been at Hogwarts and now in his 7th and last year at Hogwarts Harry had come into his inheritance, a magical creature one from his father. Harry was now a Joymentor, a cousin to the Dementor.

Where Dementor's feed on the positive emotions of people Joymentor's feed on the negative emotions that came from people leaving only happiness. Which is what Harry was doing at the moment feeding, but at the same time getting his own revenge back at Dumbledore.

"This way," the young Joymentor said as he took the Headmaster by the wrist and lead him out of the office, "He's this way."

Dumbledore followed Harry, being careful to not step on the long neon pink robe that the boy had started wearing a few days after coming into his inheritance as a Joymentor.

'Harry's acting strange, maybe his Joymentor side is the reason?' Dumbledore thought as they quickly made their way through the hallways to where Voldermort was, 'or it could be the fact that he's developed a close friendship with Miss. Lovegood of late.'

"Where are they?" Harry's voice came breaking Headmaster Dumbledore out of his thoughts, "They was here before! I don't understand it."

"Don't worry my boy," Dumbledore said as he patted Harry on the shoulder, not feeling Harry start to feed on his negative feels as he thought-out the battle with Voldermort and his Death Eaters, "Knowing Tom they've most likely gone into hiding to get ready for a surprise attack."

"No, that's not it," Harry said as he dragged Dumbledore through random deserted corridor's looking for Voldermort, "I thought I saw him in this corridor."

Dumbledore slowly became more and more angry as Harry continued to drag him along the hallways while muttering the same thing over and over again. This continued for the rest of the day and the whole night, until 7am the next morning to be exact, before Dumbledore said something.

"Harry my dear boy, maybe Voldermort hasn't broken into the school and you were seeing things?" Dumbledore suggested with a slight hint of how feed up and angry he was, "Maybe you were just seeing things because you needed to feed on some...yummy negative emotions?"

"Nope," Harry said as he looked up at Dumbledore with innocent eyes.

"Oh?" Dumbledore asked kindly, for some reason he felt his anger and any negative emotion he was feeling slowly disappear, "Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm not hungry anymore," Harry said with a bright smile before happily walking away towards the lion's den, leaving a fuming Dumbledore.

**2. Follow him around all day, screaming, "IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT! IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT!" **

"Albus, are you alright?" Poppy asked with a frown as she noticed just how close the Headmaster was to losing his temper.

"It seems that there was a false alarm today," Dumbledore said calmly as he took a deep breath, "A student thought that they had seen the Dark Lord in Hogwarts only –"

"IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT! IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT!" the voice of Harry Potter echoed throughout the Great Hall causing everyone to look at the stone still Severus Snape who was only trying to eat his lunch.

"Severus Snape, what did you do?" Minerva McGonagall asked as she gave her college a stern look, "Mister Potter, what did Professor Snape do?"

Everyone turned to look at Harry only to sigh when Harry yelled out, "IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT! IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT!"

"Now Harry," Dumbledore said as he gave Harry a disappointed look, "Don't you think it would be a good idea to tell us just what you think Professor Snape is to blame for?"

Everyone in the Great Hall turned to Harry and waited with batted breath.

Harry looked at Dumbledore with innocent eyes before calling out, "IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT! IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT!"

"MR. POTTER!" Dumbledore yelled out as he stood up, "Please answer my question! What do you think you are doing?"

"Eating, it is lunch time is it not?" Harry asked as he paused before speaking again, "Yummy."

The whole Hall burst out into laughter as Harry walked out of the Great Hall, but not before yelling out a final:

"IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT! IT WAS SNAPE'S FAULT!"

**3. When you are called into his office to be lectured for poor behaviour sit there and click a pen the entire time. When he pauses, say, "Ooo, clicky! Too bad they don't make quills like this. I'm sorry, Albus, what were you saying?" **

"Now Harry," Dumbledore said kindly as he grabbed his tin of lemon drops tightly, "What has gotten into of late? I mean with the Voldermort incident this morning and saying's it's all Severus' fault at lunch, just what has gotten into you my dear boy?"

As Dumbledore gave the lecture on his poor behaviour of late Harry pulled out a muggle pen that he had in his pocket and began to turn it on and off by the button at the top of the pen, over and over again.

"Harry, are you listening?" Dumbledore asked with a frown as he felt his temper slowly rise.

Harry took Dumbledore's pause as a queue to speak, "Ooo, clicky! Too bad they don't make quills like this. I'm sorry, Albus, what were you saying?" Harry asked innocently with wide eyes as he looked up at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore found himself split in two, at first he felt like he wanted to throw his tin of lemon drops at the young Joymentor in front of him yet at the same time he felt the build-up of happiness within him, so he did the best thing.

Harry's face split into a smile and he gave a small giggle as he watched Dumbledore burst out into laughter.

'I'm shocked that Dumbledore hasn't worked out that I'm using him to feed my Joymentor side' Harry thought with a smirk as he continued to click the muggle pen in his hand.

**4. Mention the "incompetence of Mudbloods," at every opportunity. **

"And can you believe he said that Harry?" Hermione said with a sigh as she glared at Ron who was flirting with Lavender Brown.

"Incompetence of Mudbloods," Harry answered Hermione's question as they walked through the hallways to their next class.

"Harry!" Hermione cried out with wide eyes, "You didn't just say what I think you said."

"Incompetence of Mudbloods," Harry said again as they walked around a corner.

With a glare Hermione found that Headmaster Dumbledore was talking to Professor Snape a few feet away.

"Headmaster Dumbledore," Hermione cried out as she grabbed Harry by the wrist, "Something's wrong with Harry."

Dumbledore and Snape shared a look before Dumbledore answered with a stressed sigh, "What is it this time Miss. Granger?"

"Incompetence of Mudbloods," Harry said once again catching both of the teacher's attention and for Hermione to hit Harry in a warning way on his shoulder.

"Harry, don't say that," Hermione said with a glare at her friend, "You know better than to say those things."

"Miss. Granger is correct my boy," Dumbledore said as he gave Harry a disapproving look over his half moon glasses, "Please, what has gotten into you lately?"

"Incompetence of Mudbloods," Harry said once again causing Hermione and Dumbledore to let out groans of anger though Snape to give a small smirk of understanding.

"Harry," Dumbledore said slowly as he gathered himself, he would not let a student get the best of him.

"Incompetence of Mudbloods," Harry said as he turned around and walked away from Dumbledore, Snape and Hermione, "Incompetence of Mudbloods."

Harry continued to mutter this phrase over and over for the rest of the day causing a lot of people to give Harry second looks.

**5. When he is making his speech at the first speech in the great Hall, whistle, clap your hands, and say "Yeah, Dumble, you got dis, you got dis!" continuously throughout the entire thing. **

"Yeah, Dumble, you got dis, you got dis!" Harry cried out as he followed it up with whistles and clapping his hands.

"Mr. Potter?" Headmaster Dumbledore asked as he looked down at the cheering Harry, "I am trying to make my end of the first week back speech if you do not mind."

Harry gave another grin before yelling out again, "Yeah, Dumble, you got dis, you got dis!"

"MISTER POTTER!" Dumbledore roared out, his eyes losing their famous twinkle.

"Albus Dumbledore you better not go funny on Mr. Potter," Poppy said as she turned around and gave Dumbledore a glare that could scare Voldermort, "The boy was only showing you how great he thinks you are and that he agrees with what you say, honestly Albus, you need to learn how to control your temper better."

"Yes Poppy," Dumbledore said with a defeated look through he was glaring at Harry.

The glare was lost on Harry as he cried out, "Yeah, Dumble, you got dis, you got dis!" which was followed up with whistles and clapping his hands.

**6. Hold a contest among your fellow students of, "Who Can Say Dumbledore's Full Name the Fastest?" **

"Come on you two," Harry said as they eat their tea, "I thought you two would be going head first into this."

"Head first into what Harry?" the Weasley twins said together in confusion.

"Why the newest contest that's happening at Hogwarts," Harry cried out as he waved his fork around as if it was a sword.

"And what contest is this?" the Weasley twins asked together, this time

Harry let a grin appear on his face, "Who Can Say Dumbledore's Full Name the Fastest?"

"We're going to win this contest," the Weasley twins cried out as they drew everyone's attention, "How do we entre? What do we win?"

"You entre by just giving me a nutt, and you write down your names on this piece of paper," Harry explained as he showed the parchment for the names and the muggle money box he was using to store the money."

"Give us a quill," Fred said as Gorge took a quill from his bag and wrote their names down on the paper.

"What's the prize," another student who had placed their name after the Weasley twins'.

Harry gave a sly grin, "You win the money that I'm collecting and to see Dumbledore lose his legendary cool."

The next thing anyone knew was that there was a flurry of activity and a lot of names appeared on the parchment that had been magically enlarged.

"He's doing it again," Dumbledore said from the teacher table as he tightly gripped his cutlery.

"Doing what again?" Minerva asked with a sigh as she shared a look with Poppy, "If you mean Potter then he's doing nothing wrong, but talking to his peers and having his meal."

"He's created a contest about my name," Dumbledore said as he took a sip of his drink to calm him down.

"Oh?" Poppy asked with a raised eyebrow, "And just what is this contest about then?"

Dumbledore missed Poppy's and Minerva's interested looks, "Who Can Say Dumbledore's Full Name the Fastest?"

"Errr...we'll go and sort this out," Minerva said with a side look at Poppy who was also starting to slowly stand up.

"Don't worry about anything Albus," Poppy said as she got up, not taking her eyes off of Minerva, "Just sit, eat, and enjoy yourself, we'll make sure everything's sorted out."

"Thank you Minerva, Poppy," Dumbledore said, his anger slowly disappearing and his normal twinkle returning to his eyes, "Thank you for doing this for me."

Dumbledore's relief was soon back to being anger again as Poppy and Minerva took their turns in the Who Can Say Dumbledore's Full Name the Fastest contest.

**7. Inform him that Ron accidentally infected his lemon drops with the Spattergoit (make sure that you do this while he's eating one.) **

Dumbledore let out a sigh as he popped another lemon drop into his mouth, he sent a glare at Poppy and Minerva, who had been joined by other teachers, had began to take part in the contest concerning his full name.

"Oh Headmaster?"

Dumbledore looked up, trying his best to hide his anger at how his staff was behaving, only to find Harry looking up at him.

"Yes Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, hoping that how he had addressed the boy would allow Harry to see how disappointed he was.

It seemed through that Harry didn't pick up on this or he chose to ignore it, "Sir, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Ron accidentally infected your lemon drops with the Spattergoit."

Dumbledore could only pause as he used his tongue to feel the lemon drop that was in his mouth, before slowly turning green.

"Please excuse me my boy," Dumbledore said as he quickly stood up and exited the Great Hall.

**8. Invite the giant squid to the Yule Ball and tell Dumbledore that you absolutely insist that he be allowed to attend. **

"Sir, are you listening?" Harry asked the next day during breakfast.

Dumbledore gave a sleepy hum, he had yet to have his morning cup of lemon tea which was why he had yet to get angry, much to Harry's own anger.

"What was that Harry?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly, this time more awake, as he took his first couple of cups of lemon tea.

Harry gave a sigh as he rubbed his empty stomach at the same time, "We were talking about how you'd allow the Giant Squid to come to the Yule Ball."

"WHAT!" Dumbledore yelled as he spit his lemon tea everywhere, "I never said anything about allowing the Giant Squid to come to the Yule Ball."

"You did so! You promised too!" Harry said with a large pout, "I demand that the Giant Squid be allowed to come! You said he could yourself!"

"Severus?" Dumbledore asked as he made himself up another cup of lemon tea, "You'd never lie to me, what did I say?"

"I have to agree with Potter on this one," Severus said with a smirk causing Dumbledore to let out a groan, "You know that all of this anger of late isn't any good to your health."

Dumbledore let out another groan as he glared daggers at Harry, "Fine, but it's up to you, you've got to get the Giant Squid in here, keep it watered and everything while also taking into consideration how it'll enjoy itself and last to see another day."

"Alright," Chirped Harry as he happily turned around and almost skipped back to his table where his friends awaited.

"Severus...I think I'm getting to old for this," Dumbledore said with a tired groan as he watched Harry walk away, "I keep getting angry with the poor boy when he's only being the child he is."

Severus just nodded his head, not trusting his mouth at that moment of time.

**9. Whenever Harry is summoned to his office for one of their private chats, be sure to mutter about "favouritism." **

"Now then Harry," Dumbledore said with a smile as he counted to ten in his head, "Would you like to come up to my office Harry for one of our private little chats?"

"I'm sorry sir, but Hermione's told me that what we do in them isn't very appropriate," Harry said loudly and plainly for everyone in hearing range to hear, hence everyone in the Great Hall having their breakfast heard.

"Mr. Potter, nothing of that sort happens and you know it," spluttered Dumbledore as he looked around to find pointed looks.

"That's what you always say," Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders, "Hermione, Ron and I agree that its favouritism."

Dumbledore stood rooted to the spot, "Harry, what's all this muttering about favouritism? I thought that you knew what this was for."

"Well then," Harry said with a happy smile that chilled Dumbledore to the bone, "With this 'favouritism' you've got for me then I guess I should be fine with who I've invited over for tea... though I think they'll be turning up any minute now."

"Who did you invent Harry?" Dumbledore said slowly, thoughts about the 'favouritism slowly disappearing, "Whose coming for tea Harry? Why haven't I been informed? Who are they Harry?"

Dumbledore's answer was given moments later when several loud pops was heard.

**10. Invite Voldemort and all of the Death Eaters to the Great Hall for tea. **

"Let's leave them to it," Minerva said as she guided everyone out of the Great Hall, "Let's leave them to work things out between themselves."

With that they left a group of Death Eaters, Voldermort and Dumbledore dressed up in neon pink flowery dresses to have tea with Harry Potter.

Harry gave a giggle and place a hand over his stomach as Dumbledore began to fight with Voldermort and his Death Eaters, if this stage of his plan worked out then he'd have MORE than enough for what he wanted to give his mate.

And so Harry ended the war by having a tea party with Dumbledore, Voldermort and some Death Eaters.

**The End.**

**Was thinking of doing some more of these type of fic's with the lists I found, but I'm not sure, what do you all think? Should I just leave it at what I've got in this two shot or should I write similar things to what's above for the other lists I found?**


End file.
